We tend to hear a lot in the media about bullying and how it particularly affects children and young people. Having experienced it several times in the past, I can vouch for the effect it has on a person’s emotional well-being and mental health. It’s insidious, it’s cruel – and it’s wrong. It frequently starts in the playground when even very young children can display aggressive behaviour towards their classmates, often as a result of learnt behaviour which they’ve seen at home.
We know that there is a big increase in self-harm and suicide by children and young people often due to peer pressure, poor self-image and bullying by so-called “keyboard warriors” online – all forms of bullying.
But what is bullying? According to the Anti-Bullying Alliance its definition is: “The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.”
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It can be very difficult to identify whether a person is being bullied or whether it’s just banter. The bottom line must be how the person allegedly being bullied feels inside and whether it is their perception that they’re being bullied. Some people are far more sensitive than others and some people get their kicks out of seeing other people suffer.
Sadly, bullying doesn’t just happen in the school yard. It permeates all strata of society – schools, universities, work and even social, religious and community groups. It isn’t necessarily done by people in power within the organisation. It can be done by anybody who feels the urge to take their own frustrations out on people they view as easy pickings, particularly if they’ve got an audience who act as bystanders. Very often the bully is a coward whose own deficiencies make him or her want to hurt others, especially if they see them as a threat. It often makes them feel better because it covers up their own inadequacies and makes them feel powerful.
All educational establishments and many work-related organisations have anti-bullying policies but they don’t always practise what they preach. There are many cases where bullied people and whistle-blowers have been forced to sign disclaimers or given “hush money” in exchange for their silence. Even within the religious community, bullying can take place and not just within the upper echelons.
So, Graham, what do you think of bullying? Have you seen it or even experienced it? We think of it as being a modern phenomenon. Is there any indication in the bible that bullying was a problem in ancient times? What advice would you give to anyone who’s being bullied and how do you think they should retaliate? And, finally, what do you think God’s response would be to a bully?
Rev Graham replies:
Thank you, Carol, for this very contemporary question which always seems to be present among people from early school days. You have outlined different aspects of what bullying might be, how it is used and the effect is causes to people. In attempting to answer your question, I will try to lay a foundation as to how a Christian should respond, stand up and befriend bullies and those who are vulnerable to being bullied and be confident in their own identity and worth in Christ.
A bully habitually wants to harm, intimidate or coerce those who are perceived to be vulnerable. They act in cruel and unloving ways and seek to harm and threaten those who are weaker. They will attack those whom they feel threatened by or might expose their own failings. Bullying exists in various forms such as physical, verbal, social and cyber actions. The bible does not speak specifically about bullies or bullying but there are a number of biblical principles which can be related to bullying.
Overall, Christians are called to love, support and respect everyone as exampled in 1 John 3:17 -18 and Galatians 6:9-10 (to do good to all people), so any form of bullying or harassment is not acceptable behaviour and whoever sows injustice will reap calamity. Those who have a bountiful eye will be blessed (Proverbs 22 8 – 16).
As you have identified, Carol, people experience bullying every day at school, college, work, and home and even within social media and the church. The act of bullying, obvious and hidden, has often been over-looked but today we are far more aware of its impact and procedures have been implemented in the workplace and generally to offset such actions. However, there is an increase, due to modern technology, of cyber bullying which is an online form of harassment.
Personally I have never been bullied but I have spoken to many who have and they say the trauma still haunts them even to the present day. Within counselling and coaching, many clients have raised the issue of bullying and how it has affected them and, to some degree, held them back in their personal development and well-being and, in extreme cases, led to feelings and actions of suicide.
Interestingly, I remember when I was at my secondary school one big boy in particular was often physically bullying a smaller boy who, at one point, hit back in front of a crowd and successfully floored the bigger boy. Ironically they went on to become the best of friends, maybe because they had an equal respect for each other! I think bullying has and will always exist in wars, politics and social in-fighting and in horrible exchanges people experience, with some finding it as a source of personal enjoyment!
For a moment I want us to consider a number of ways in which we may respond to bullying from a Christian perspective.
Turn the Other Cheek
In Matthew 5: 38 – 42, an Old Testament view of revenge is in the form of taking an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. However, Jesus chose a higher way to act in that, if someone strikes you on the right cheek, then offer them your left cheek, or if they want to sue you and take your clothing from you then give them more.
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As Christians we are asked to love our neighbour as ourselves (Mark 12: 31) and to treat others as we would like to be treated. (Luke 6:31). There is no place in the Christian faith for belittling or abusing anyone for everyone, regardless of how they act or look, is created in the image of God (Genesis 1: 26-27), (James 3: 9-10) and is worth being respected and acknowledged. In Matthew 5:11, which is part of the Beatitudes, it says “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me” and Proverbs 15: 1 suggests that a ‘gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger’.
When we are bullied physically there may be a case that we have to respond in self-defence. However, if we take a pacifist position, there is still room for an appropriate form of defending ourselves. Yes we are to be loving and caring and turn the other cheek but we should not be mugs to be taken advantage of!
Let the Lord Fight Our Corner
It is quite natural to fight back against all forms of bullying and to defend ourselves. Yet in Exodus 14: 14 we are told not to re-pay evil for ‘The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still’. The idea of Jesus’ words in Matthew 5 echoes with Paul’s in Romans 12 19-20 ‘do not take revenge but leave room for God’s wrath’. Who will re-pay evil; such actions are like pouring coals on a fire that quenches out its flame and heat.
As Christians we are called to honour God with our words (Ephesians 4:29) and actions (James 1:22). We have to be aware daily of any attitudes and lack of dignity and worth which we show to our neighbours which is displeasing to God. If we are wronged it is important to respond in a Christ-like manner as found in 1 Peter 3: 9 4 – 12 ‘do not re-pay evil with evil. The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil’.
It is important to ask God to guide us as to how best to respond to those who intimidate us for the Lord knows the intent and actions of the bully and will re-pay the bully for any wrong actions towards us. In Leviticus 19:18 it says: ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people but love your neighbour as yourself’.
Report Bullying to the Authorities
God in his wisdom has established human authorities such as governments, police, school and social welfare systems to act as defenders of the vulnerable and to maintain peace and order for all. It is important then, where we are able, to report any severe bullying and threatening behaviour to appropriate authorities or family members. A child being bullied should be encouraged to speak to their teacher, a person being coercive should be referred to managers, police or church leaders so that their effect and influence is curtailed.
Reporting bullying protects the person being bullied and all those around them for, in doing nothing, it gives greater power to the bully. We need to find courage to stand up for those who can’t or won’t defend themselves by personally intervening by speaking or defending any victim. In taking action it highlights the problem which may in the short term add to an individual’s troubles but in the long term may end any further acts of bullying and open up a fresh experiences of life.
Try to Befriend a Bully and Those Who Are Bullied.
As Christians, Carol, we are called to seek justice and defend the oppressed as found in Isaiah 1: 17. We should try to respond to a bully with love and understanding for they themselves might have been bullied and damaged emotionally which is reflected in their actions. We are to love and pray for our enemies (Mathew 5: 44) and not to overcome evil with evil but to overwhelm your enemy with love and compassion (Romans 12: 21) for our kindness shown can melt the hardest of hearts which are full of evil intent.
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In befriending the vulnerable and bullied, it lets them know that they are loved and appreciated and the bullies are less likely to pick on someone who has a strong support group and are not seen as being on their own. Also, speaking words of affirmation to them and over them can offset, in a small measure, all the lies and words of defammation which have been spoken over them for many years. Psalm 82:3-4 gives us an example to follow by rescuing the weak and the needy, deliver them from the hand of the wicked.
Be Confident in a New Identity in Christ
In Psalm 139:13-18 it tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and God cherishes each one of us. Therefore we should never believe the lies which bullies and others say about how bad they think we are and then for us to believe it ourselves. In Christ we have a new identity which gives us greater stability in understanding who we are and who we can grow into.
So, Carol, in conclusion, whenever we encounter any form of intimidation or threatening behaviour we need Godly wisdom and discernment as how best to act and to try and bring peace into the situation. We can easily condemn all bullies but often they are victims themselves and in inflicting pain on others it can be a twisted way of re-living any pain the bully may feel themselves. We can pray and befriend a bully and those bullied, asking God to give us strength to stand up to them and protect the vulnerable so ‘do everything in love’ (1 Corinthians 16: 14).
SIGNPOST ORGANISATIONS
Premier Lifeline – premierlifeline.org.uk – 03001110101
SAMARITANS – jo@samaritans.org or Tel: 116123.
CHILDLINE (under 19s) Tel: 0800 1111.
THE MIX (under 25s) email support via online contact form – Tel: 0808 808 4994.
SHOUT – Text 85258 24hrs for messaging support from trained volunteers.
NATIONAL BULLYING HELPLINE – Tel: 0300 323 0169 or 0845 225 5787.
www.GOV.UK for legal and other advice.
ACAS (Conciliatory and Advice Service) – for work-related bullying. Helpline: 0300 1231100.
FAMILY LIVES – email askus@familylives.org.uk or helpline 0808 800 2222.
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