The heaviness in my head caused me to feel dizzy. I peered at the dry, arid landscape through my red-encrusted eyes. It was uncompromising in its barrenness. How long had I suffered in this bleak wilderness? I really had no concept of the precise passage of time. I trembled with hunger and raw emotion from fighting my human inclinations.
Mount of Temptation Thanks Wikipedia
God had blessed me in this time of temptation in order to teach me, building me up and strengthening me, but now, after so long, I felt dejected and forlorn. Satan was here with his relentless tempting, whispering seductively in his great delight.
I knew that the time that I had spent in the desert was necessary in order to prepare me, to get me ready for the burden that I had to endure. It was a pre-destined sacrifice and I would willingly accept it. Before that happened, there would be three and a half years of ministry when I would tell those who were willing to listen how much my Father loved them and to educate them into a new way of living their lives.
Afterwards, I would give my life willingly and die for the sake of the world. But now my body was indeed purified, starved, empty and clean. There was nothing that could interfere with my father’s work.
But Satan had other ideas! My mind was plummeted back, almost to the beginning of time. My eyes were suddenly riveted on the past. I could see Eve with the serpent. Adam had been the blueprint of me. He had failed God; his actions had allowed sin to enter the world, in deliberate disobedience, by doing what God had told him not to do. He had no concept of the consequences that his actions would entail. Adam opened the way for sin to invade the world and separate humanity from God.
Adam and Eve Thanks Public Domain Pictures.net
I could sense how easily the serpent found it to manipulate Eve and, in turn, Adam. I started to feel the same desires that Adam felt; somehow we were closely connected. Adam had sinned by wanting to be equal with God; he had been persuaded that he could be ‘equal’ with God and gain the knowledge that God had – all he had to do was eat the fruit from the tree of life. He knew that God had forbidden it – but Satan was whispering…..
Suddenly the thought entered my mind, why not? The serpent could be very persuasive. It was such a little thing to bite the apple and subsequently learn all that God knew. Really – what harm could that do? Surely it would be a good thing.
A little taste wouldn’t offend God, would it? And look what the serpent told me I would gain – power, that would make me equal to God, and I could avoid the future He had planned for me. I found myself licking my lips; I could almost taste the sweet crunchy apple.
My steps faltered and I suddenly became aware of God. I saw Adam bite into the fruit and immediately that happened, blackness filled his heart. Horror filled mine! How easily my thoughts were being swayed from my intended path. Breathing deeply I tore my eyes away. The scene in front of me changed quickly, leaving little time for me to recover and gather my wits.
Looking ahead, my vision rested on Saul who was returning, joyfully, from winning a battle. I ran quickly to his side; I too celebrated his victory! After the blackness I had just experienced, this bright colourful spectacle was enticing. Saul’s grandness and majesty were infectious. The crowds were whipped up into a frenzy of worship and excitedly sang his praises.
I ran alongside keeping pace with them. Yes, Saul was wonderful. I looked at his fine clothes encrusted with precious stones; he was magnificent “This could be you, whispered the Devil. Why should he have it all? Reach for his sword and kill him! Take his glory! You know you were born to lead; you were born a King. Put on his fine clothes, rise up against him, these riches are rightfully yours. The people will turn and follow you.”
King Saul and David Thank you artuk.org
I looked into Saul’s smiling face. What had he done that I couldn’t do? I could lead the people in battle; I could be Saul. Satan urged me on. “Why wait for your kingdom to come; take this away from Saul now; he doesn’t deserve any of it in the way that you do.” I couldn’t help but wonder if Satan was right.
I noticed Saul’s expression; it had changed from triumph into hatred and jealousy. I followed his gaze to see where he was looking. He was glaring at David, the younger more successful warrior. Saul was jealous his murderous intent towards David was evident for everyone to see.
I was startled when I realised that was the exact thought which had just crossed my mind, but against him. Kill Saul! I shuddered at Satan’s hideous suggestion and even more so at my rampant thoughts of temptation. I could easily have done that. I crawled away from the battlefield and called upon my father in anguish, “Help me.”
The horror of being so easily tempted had frightened me and I doubted that I was going to be strong enough to resist the Devil’s schemes. It was, after all, the beginning of my time in the desert and I felt the full horror of temptation. Would I be strong enough to keep resisting? The desert was a lonely place.
My mother came to sooth and reassure me. She tenderly stroked my fevered brow and I gazed into her lovely face. I would be safe now and I cuddled into my mother’s breast. She felt warm and familiar and my recent terror began to dissipate. I was again a child taking comfort from his mother.
I sighed feeling safe; my mother was humming and whispering encouraging, sympathetic words to me and I began to relax, but then the thoughts that started to develop in my mind soon became abhorrent to me. They were confusingly mixed up with the scene that was now evolving in front of me.
Lot and his Daughters Thank you artuk.org
I could see Lot who had gone to live in the mountains, in a cave with his two daughters, he was in a drunken stupor. His elder daughter was stroking his forehead, just as my mother was stroking mine. I saw the comfort that Lot’s elder daughter received from her familiarity with her father and I felt grateful for the closeness of my mother; she calmed me and my agitation dissolved.
The quick realisation of what happened next, between father and daughter, had me recoiling in my own disgust. I snatched myself away from the image of my mother! How could I have let such dreadful thoughts invade my mind? Twisting the lovely, pure relationship I had with her.
Terrified, I called again on God. He was quiet. Tears flowed down my cheeks; the intimacy I had witnessed frightened me. I longed to escape from the desert, to retreat and shun this mental onslaught. The terror that I experienced was acute; where was my Father? Satan laughingly sneered; he was enjoying himself.
I groaned with the physical pain that I now suffered. How much longer could I stand these cramps in my joints, the throbbing in my head and my burning eyes? My white stretched skin was breaking out in sores that were caused through my lack of nourishment. I felt lonely and wretched. I wallowed in self-pity; at least when Job was suffering such pain and distress, he had access to food and water and had friends who stood by him. I had no one. I felt desolate, weak and lost. “Where is God?” whispered the Devil.
The grating voice of Satan was pressuring my senses, he encouraged me to give in and free myself from this torture. “If God loves you, why would he desert you? Why would he allow this pain and discomfort to go on and on? Why would he assault his only son in this way?”
I tried to flee from Satan but he was all around me, invasive, holding me prisoner in my fear. He felt like a heavy compression keeping me captive, invading my mind and imprisoning my spirit.
My tragic circumstances caused me to feel hopelessly alone and rejected. My now fragile mind was full of self-pity and I flared up in anger.
What had I done to warrant this? I, Jesus of Nazareth, had done nothing wrong throughout my life. My pride rose up with my own self-esteem and the injustice of my predicament. Why should I be made to suffer? Hadn’t I always been obedient to God? Wasn’t I justifiably indignant? Satan agreed with me!
Panicking, my feelings of shame made me quickly rush to God and beg for forgiveness. Satan was twisting my thoughts to be like this. I must be more vigilant and constantly on my guard; I closed my eyes against the onslaught. I thought of my Father’s love and compassion, until the images receded and were gone.
The haunting music penetrated my bewildered brain. Distractedly, out of the corner of my eye, I contemplated Samson; what a truly magnificent specimen he was. Delilah was slowly caressing him. I gazed upon her lithe body, slender, with heavy breasts, her movements were provocative. I secretly crawled closer so that I could have a better view.
Samson and Delilah Thanks commons.wikimedia.org
Delilah’s soft hands tenderly stroked Samson’s powerful body. My aching limbs wished to be soothed by those soft hands. Where did that idea come from? Even though I was in pain, I found that my body began to sway in time to the beat of the music. Delilah’s hips gyrated sensually. I craved contact; I moved closer. My eyes devoured her. Breathing deeply, I started to reach towards this sensual creature who writhed and slipped her hands up and down Samson’s body.
To my disgust, I saw the reflection of Satan’s eyes peering out from hers. I snatched my hand back, appalled with myself. I had almost made contact with her; my desire had, for a moment, blocked out my sense. Satan was determined to invade and corrupt my mind.
Trembling and alarmed, I prayed. “Father, forgive me, let your purpose in my life overcome my weakness.” I tried to stand up as I dripped with sweat and my anxiety increased. I desperately wanted to turn tail and take flight; to get as far away as possible from the evil that encompassed me and attempted over and over again to infiltrate and control my thoughts.
There were numerous more scenes which were calculated to invade my mind until I was reduced to Satan’s level. The wickedness that was built into my human soul was devastating and I could never have imagined how powerfully consuming temptation could be. I fought with all my strength to remain untouched.
In my human state I floundered but, when I remembered my father and called on His Spirit to help me, He empowered me to resist! I collapsed at His feet expelling the last of my energy. I had experienced so many different emotions; desire, lust, greed, envy, idolatry and much, much more. I had seen myself almost become corrupt, murdering, taking that which I had no right to; the list was endless. My pride had come very close to allowing Satan his success!
God, my father had saved me; my thankful prayer for my release from this evil was going around and around in my head as I quoted my gratitude like a mantra. I meditated on how close I had come to letting God down. I derived great relief from His presence, realising again that I was nothing without Him!
The time I had spent in this inhospitable desert had enabled God to enrich my soul and He had strengthened me in endurance and resistance. I listened and I prayed without any outside earthly interruptions or distractions. The time alone with my Father had made me more powerfully aware of outside influences. I was prepared for any future trials that I may have to face and of which I knew would eventually result in my crucifixion.
I had spent forty days and nights under attack from Satan; he had tormented my mind and my body. He had insight into my thoughts and knew what my needs were. Without hesitation, his strategy was to penetrate my weakest areas.
Jesus Tempted by the Devil Thanks freechristimages.com
Satan was very clever with his inducements. He invaded my mind, he was responsible for the visions I had seen and the desires that I had never experienced previously, but how I wanted to, just once, to see how it would feel. I had battled day and night to overcome my natural, human instincts – instincts that were only there because of Adam’s sin.
Satan knew all my thoughts, past and present, however fleeting. He attacked my vulnerability. The things that had come into my mind had brought me to my knees. That is why I prayed fervently, to my Father who sees all things, and I drew courage from knowing that these were also His battles. I looked beyond my immediate destiny to my Father in heaven.
My time in this rocky desert had almost come to an end when the worst test materialised. My tormented body was screaming for nourishment. It was then that I raised my weary head and through the hazy, hot mist, I focussed on the evil figure of The Devil.
Satan was smirking at me; his large frame towering over my thin body. He had a sickly sweet voice as he tried to coax me in yet another temptation. His eyes became like steel, piercing my soul. “If you are the son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”
My starving body had been through so much; it craved food, any food! My tortured mind instantly visualised bread. I gathered up my father’s spirit which filled my heart and overflowed. Drawing on the courage which God had given me and with clear determination, I remembered God’s word.
“Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
As I quoted the Scriptures, my weak limbs became stronger and I pulled myself up to my full height, my steely eyes bore into Satan’s. He paused for only a moment while he evaluated my reaction. Instantly he whisked me to Jerusalem, standing me on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written He will command His angels concerning you and they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”
I mustered all of the endurance that I had left. “It is also written: Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” But still he attempted to corrupt me, offering all the kingdoms of the world to me if I would bow down and worship him.
Thank you commons.wikimedia.org
Drawing on the very last of my reserves, I glared at Satan with all of my commitment to God saying, “Away from me, Satan, for it is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.”
The Devil left me, my trial in the desert was over! My Father’s angels came and took care of me. I was now prepared and ready to go out into the world and share God’s love with all of humanity.
Carole Crossley
Chapter One – Jesus Leaves Home
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