There was a fire burning in my soul and I will admit that foreboding was driving me. God had prepared and fortified me for this, but that didn’t mean that I would do it without great trepidation.
I was determined that I wouldn’t allow this joyful reception and what amounted to hero worship, to go to my head. I was resigned to keep my focus on the enormous task ahead of me. A task that alone I had no hope of accomplishing – but God was with me and I saw His smile of encouragement when I closed my eyes. Holding onto that image I pressed on despite the gravity in the danger which was awaiting me.
Jerusalem
The gentle colt had been brought to me just as I had requested and it was obvious that Judas was more than disappointed with it. Failing to hide his disgust, he sneered at the gentle creature and I caught him smirking when I mounted it. I read his thoughts of what he imagined my entrance should have been. The warmth from the colt’s body was a comforting reminder that I would abide in God’s presence, in His love and with His strength, as I began this journey leading to the cross.
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There were crowds of people lining the route, they were waving palm leaves and placing them together with their cloaks, on the ground in front of me, to welcome my arrival in the city. There was joy and jubilation and the humble beast that was carrying me lifted his feet higher in an excited trot. I think he was enjoying the attention and I leaned forward to gently rub his ears.
Sounds of Hosanna rang out and I saw Judas’s dark expression wavering and becoming uncertain. The Pharisees were whispering together in the background and it was obvious that this display of worship and uncontrolled exhilaration actually made them furious.
My heart knew that these fickle people were expecting a Messiah to overthrow Rome and establish a kingdom. Had I failed in my mission? I prayed, “Father, make them understand.” When would they accept that I and the Father are one and His Holy Spirit was binding us together as recorded by John?
“When a man believes in me, he does not believe in me only, but in the one who sent me. When he looks at me, he sees the one who sent me.” “I have come into the world as light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.” “As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I did not come to judge the world but to save it.”
“There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him on the last day.” “For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me, what to say and how to say it.” “I know that His command leads to eternal life. So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say” (John 12:44-50).
The Passover Feast
After the journey we settled together in the upper room, I solemnly viewed my disciples, allowing my eyes to linger on each of them. Judas was present and became strangely silent. His thoughts were on the deed which he had in mind – betrayal. My friend didn’t see that what he intended was in fact ‘betrayal,’ he considered it was merely a means to an end.
He was determined to force my hand and start a revolution, in his mind that was inevitable. Judas thought that I was the right person to lead the people and he was convinced that they would follow me in a conflict and when I was given an ultimatum, I would be ready to lead.
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How wrong could he be? Judas was hot tempered, misguided and intent on a violent war. He falsely believed that I would be the figurehead, with him behind me pulling the strings – in what he thought would be the guidance that I needed. He intended to agitate the masses, ready for a bloody confrontation against the Romans. Judas Iscariot considered it was a necessary fight that victory would lead to a new kingdom, in which I would assume kingship and my followers would hold positions of superiority. Had he understood nothing of what I had been teaching?
The doctrine from the Zealots was deeply embedded in his thinking and he blindly thought only about an outcome when he was manipulating events. Like many others Judas was weary of waiting for the ‘new kingdom.’ Shaking my head perceptibly, oh Judas, why can’t you see that the Kingdom of God, is within you? Why don’t you appreciate that love and peace are preferable to hatred and control?
Washing of Feet
I reclaimed my thoughts back to the present and my next essential act which was teaching humility to my disciples. Standing, I removed my outer garment and taking a bowl of water and a towel, I knelt on the floor, I leaned in to wash the first of my friend’s feet, I performed this intimate act, which was usually undertaken by a servant. If God is willing to serve us in this way then they should glorify His name by humbly serving each other.
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Simon Peter was embarrassed and his body language expressed his discomfort. He thought that I was above what he thought to be a menial task. By him refusing to allow me to wash his feet, he considered he was honouring me placing me above this level of work. Perturbed, I had to encourage him to accept and see beyond this simple gesture and gain insight from it.
“If you do not allow me to wash your feet Peter, then you are no part of me.”
I was trying to teach humility in each of my followers. I knew that they were still confused, I was trying to help them to be prepared to serve each other; so that they would be ready when I sent them out into the world, after my death. I longed for Peter to selflessly comprehend – by attending to others, before his own needs, he would be honouring God. I left this realisation to dawn upon him, by God’s grace.
Faithful
Although I knew what Judas was planning, I was still upset in the knowledge that he would betray me. In anguish I gazed at those present around the table. Voicing my troubled thoughts; that one of them here would inform against me. These words were shocking to them and posed questions which I did not want to answer. Dipping the bread and offering it to Judas, intimated that I was aware of his treachery. “What you are about to do, do quickly.” My friend without glancing in my direction sprung instantly to his feet and left the room!
Feeling such deep love, I regarded my other disciples. There was little time left and I contemplated each of them. I affirmed again that I had to go away, still they didn’t speculate on my previous predictions about my death. Raising my eyes as I began to speak, I projected my voice to reach each of them. “A new command I give you. Love one another, as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples” (John 13: 34-35).
Peter wanted to know where I was going and he declared that he would lay down his life for me. “Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times” (John 13: 38). They looked at me blankly not comprehending anything that I was saying.
My heart was full of misery and I felt wretched, this was only the beginning. I would soon be bereft of any human comfort or companionship. When I actually voiced Peter’s denial of me, I was broken hearted. I could see the hurt that my words had caused him and he considered it as a rejection from me. Poor Peter I wanted to comfort him, he was dispirited and absolutely adamant that he would stand by me.
I bowed my head in quiet contemplation of God’s presence. He strengthened my resolve, my Father knew how emotionally difficult it was for me, when I spoke these words to my friend.
Carole Crossley
Chapter One – Jesus Leaves Home
Chapter Two – The Temptations of Jesus
Chapter Three – Jesus Looks for his Disciples
Chapter Four – Jesus’ Ministry
Chapter Five – The Miracles of Jesus
Chapter Six – Legion, Love and Lazarus
Chapter Seven – The Plot to Kill Jesus
Chapter Eight – Jesus the Man
Chapter Nine – Political Unrest
Chapter Ten – My Last Days
