It almost appeared that the clear night was anticipating an event, virtually pulsating in expectation – or was it me feeling that? I knew with certainty that my heart had never felt so anxiously apprehensive, or been beating so fast, it was practically trembling uncontrollably inside my chest. I was aware that my robe was clinging to me, wetly, like a second skin and my ineffectual limbs, were all but ignoring my request to walk steadily, creating an impression of intense exhaustion. I questioned how I would make it through the night, let alone the following days?
The Garden Thank you fity.club
My usually strong legs were buckling beneath me, reminiscent of flimsy stalks of wheat, fragile and bending in the breeze. The moonlit garden, somehow looked uncertain, as if it had been placed in an unfamiliar setting. I slowly approached the shadowy area, whilst forcing my steps to carry me deeper into the garden. The familiar Olive trees looked sinister and they appeared to be out of place, when they swayed in suspense, as if in expectation of my capture.
I was terrified, knowing that this would be my last visit to this much loved place, where I had met God on so many occasions. The Olive trees were abundantly covered in tiny white blooms. I anticipated the fruit which would follow after my death. This thought snatched me back to reality and the brief joy that I had felt for a fleeting moment, instantly left me. It was replaced by such dark foreboding that my knees almost gave way and my throat became constricted. Swallowing purposefully, I slowed my breathing and tried to regulate it. This was the start of the night, I looked into God’s face and He calmed me.
I was accompanied by Peter, James and John whom I trusted to keep watch whilst I went a little way from them in order to pray. My strong desire was to run and never look back. I recalled my excitement at the start of this journey when I first left home, I had come so far from that time. In the shadows I examined my disciples, their expressions told me that they had no clue about the momentous events which would escalate tonight. They were already succumbing to fatigue and each one had sunk down into a sitting position, their eye lids drooping as they gave in to their desire for rest.
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I could draw little comfort from their presence, it was evident that they would soon be asleep in exhaustion. I hastily left them behind, withdrawing deeper into the centre of the moonlit garden. I needed to take my anxious prayers to my Father.
The sharp gravel covering the pathway cut into my knees when I knelt down in search of God’s presence. If I could only find the right words, surely God would excuse me from this. In my logic I knew it was my destiny, my agreed destiny, this horrific ordeal that I had to face and which was causing me much trepidation. In my tormented prayer,
I shakily voiced my request. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done”. The rivers of sweat running freely down my face splashed onto the ground like beads of blood, such was my nightmare, such was my dread, I ground my teeth and my finger nails were digging into my palms. I was shaking as if I had a fever.
After some time had elapsed, I frantically went to search of my disciples, forlornly, longing for their support. As I had previously anticipated, I discovered that they were soundly asleep. Miserably it dawned on me that it wouldn’t take very much to scatter them and they would soon desert me! I too, justifiably, desired to escape – fearful thoughts invaded my mind, was I adequate for this abhorrent task?
My nightmare was heightened, it escalated and threatened to overwhelm me. I fell down again, on my knees in anguish. My entire body was convulsing, shuddering in horrified terror! The adrenaline which cursed through my veins was the only physical means that stopped me from curling into a ball and whimpering like an injured animal.
My Father at once saw that my human heart was weak and wavering and I was imploring Him for His help. It was of course unacceptable, that I would even consider forsaking my mission, especially at this hurdle, but this frail spirit was so full of alarming apprehension, that it was menacingly in danger of crumbling.
Then ‘an angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him’ (Luke 22:43). Although I was acutely aware of the suffering that I was about to endure, I was instantly empowered! It was as if my limbs were made of molten metal, strong but fluid. I embraced God’s answer! I was committed, the covenant must be made and there was no other way! I was resigned to take the world’s punishment for its sin upon myself, in order that their relationship with God could be healed.
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I gratefully received God’s blessing and He proceeded to enable me. With purpose and despite my traumatic thoughts concerning the kind of death that I would experience and the subsequent separation from my Father, I was now ready. I was resolved to keep my eyes firmly fixed upon God. The breeze which had been gently rustling through the Olive trees, became silent. It allowed the full impact of the events when the armed soldiers arrived, they were led by my disciple Judas Iscariot.
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The tension was tangible as the silence engulfed us and I took stock as I calmly examined the scene. I was no longer afraid, I was indeed ready to meet my fate. I quietly pulled myself up to my full height and I looked directly at my disciple. The Zealot Judas, hurried to my side and denounced me with a kiss!
Carole Crossley
Chapter One – Jesus Leaves Home
Chapter Two – The Temptations of Jesus
Chapter Three – Jesus Looks for his Disciples
Chapter Four – Jesus’ Ministry
Chapter Five – The Miracles of Jesus
Chapter Six – Legion, Love and Lazarus
Chapter Seven – The Plot to Kill Jesus
Chapter Eight – Jesus the Man
Chapter Nine – Political Unrest
Chapter Ten – My Last Days
Chapter Eleven – Jesus rides into Jerusalem
